I was always tall and athletic, but “bigger” than all the girls my age. I never paid any mind to my size until I was 15 when I was attending a boarding school and lived in a dorm full of 200 girls who all wanted to be skinnier, curvier, or more of something and less of other things. This confused me because I was sitting there bigger than they were to begin with. I was told that if I wanted boys to like me I had to “get with the picture” and that picture being the 5'6- 6 foot, size 0 model on the front of Cosmo magazine.
I continued to entertain the disgust I felt towards my body until I was 19. Through that time frame I developed an eating disorder, which comprised of a vicious cycle of eating nothing… then binge eating… then binge working out each for weeks on end.
I saw a therapist for a bit when I was 16-17 and again when I got to college at 18-19 years old as an attempt to get outside help. I would wake up every morning and stare at my body in the mirror, sucking in and out, flexing the muscles I could find and obsessing over trying to see immediate progress. Between ages 16 and 19 I fluctuated between a 45 lb range depending on how I treated my body.I am almost 20 now and finally attain a great overall health and have reached the following resolutions:
The amount of fat, skin, muscle, or anything else on your body does not define who you are as a person!
Your body is built a certain way so that it can function and perform daily tasks. Depriving your body of nourishment does not make for a fully functioning body. Pants or dress size does not depict one's worth. The numbers on the scale does not lower or raise your value as a person. Our bodies are capable of doing so many amazing things in this world. Focusing specifically on how people physically perceive our body shape and size is a waste of time.
Perfection is a myth. You are all beautiful people. Being exactly who you are,regardless of any physical image is the most beautiful thing you could ever do for yourself.